coffee's helping a little. though the coughing is still there. my eyes are opening wider. and i can finally feel my body coming awake. i am such a coffee whore.

well, for those that care, and i guess that's not many, i didn't get to be bad yesterday. i was hoppin' on horny after writin some porn to send to a special lady but then when it came to doing the deed i choked. both in sending it and jacking off. now, it's been a while. gods, a long while since i had sex. i feel like my head is going to explode. or other parts of me. so i did actually start stroking myself in the shower. but like everything in my world, panther came to mind. she used to get on her knees and suck me off in the shower. yesterday, i couldn't help but picture her. the water beating on her back. spray over her. and her eyes looking up. smiling as i groaned. taking me deeper and deeper, licking me like a piece of candy. then trying to deepthroat me with her hands on my ass. ugh! she'd swallow. but lots of times i cum on her face and tits. i'd lick her clean and she'd take it from me when we kissed. she LOVED me to eat the cum out of her. she'd get turned on knowing that i'd had my few experiences on my knees too.

sigh

so just thinking of her. and missing her. kinda took the wind out of my sails. i just couldn't seem to get the desire there. so i just washed up and went to work. i felt like a big loser because she's still affecting me and it's been 3+ months. i haven't talked to her in weeks, and she still keeps me up. i ran across her selling my gifts on ebay and i felt like a truck hit me, hard. when does this end?

um, coffee good. smiles again. : )

speaking of ebay, i'm trying to cough off some cash for an ipod. i've been selling unwanted cd's and dvd and books. nothing like her. but still stuff i don't need and someone else could use. slowly get the cash. the name of my ebaystore is "second dreams." i'd like a ipod. not one of the shuffles cause it can't do enough of what i want. i like the ipod can take dictation and newer ones can carry pics. it be good if i could get it before my trip.

and that reminds me i need to send in my deposit for my trip. if im going i need to send the money. i'm going to use the money i've been saying for our house. can u believe it i saved 1000's for us. sigh. my friends think it's a good idea. splurg on yourself. and be happy you don't have a morgage. ugh. i need to do my taxes this weekend, so i can use my refund towards the trip as well. money money money...can't have too much, i guess. it's what makes everything move and shake.