friday was such a great day. i didn't have to work too much the kids were taking a quiz, the sun was out, i was caught up on most work, and no bills to pay...

and i come home to an email from docgirl. i admit i ws happy to see it. but not after i opened it. sigh. she's just started dating a med student in her rotation and wanted to be up front about it. she then tossed of that if i still wanted to talk/email, she did enjoy that with me. ugh, i sat there for about 30 minutes deciding what to do. i normally wouldnt do anything. i could just let it go and deal with my hurt feelings on my own (who wants to bring another person into that, especially the "hurter"). and why pray tell am i hurt....

well, she was the first woman to actually take an interest in me after panther. and the the only one in the "real world" who wanted any time with me. it seems, dear readers, that i am more enjoyable on paper or website than in real life. i am starting to get a paranoid complex the size of an elephant. i connect with people who don't see me, but people who do don't want anything to do with me. ouch.

so docgirl is out of the pic. i guess i shouldn't have asked her if she was going to the ares party. was i too obvious? we had kissed and hngout at the last party, was that now a fear? if blonde had told me she was dating someone i would NEVER have emailed her nor left the two or three voicemails over the last weeks. she was obviously with this guy. sigh. set myself up there.

argh!! argh!! left my coffee too long on the stove. i have ruined coffee smell thru the apartment. god nothing like a lost cup of coffee. ugh taste like liquid charcoal.

this is getting better and better...maybe i should just stay in bed before something REALLY bad happens today....

ok, i don't know what it is should do here. my paranoia is fullblown. is there something wrong with me? am i this ugly that lady frankstein and i should be a couple? am i doomed to a life of internet friends/lovers?

damnit! it seems for every step forward i find myself taking a step back. i'm never going to get to that corner, let only turn it. maybe i should let my mother set me up??....she's been dying to do this to me. her perfect way to control me completely. or should i go panther's way and go for this eharmony/internet dating service??! or just tough it out til i feel ready for the universe to throw me a lifeline? hm, yeah right, the same universe that rammed a big one up my ass just now...

i think i am going to wallow in my misery today. as i see it out side, the raining splashing on the window, the unverse IS telling me something...it's reflected in the day around me...

but i think i will have to go this smell of wasted coffee is nausating...

but before i go, i have a survey for rotted. she was demanding some facts from me, and since she's yet to send me any questions, i went to her diary and used some of her own questions. i hope this goes a little way to answers her and anyone else's questions, even though they aren't really stats. for those you need to ask specifically. ok here:

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alright damnit! now i KNOW i'm getting dicked around. i can't find the answers to the questions. ugh. i emailed them to goodgirl, so when i get a hold of her she can email them to me. sorry, rotted.

to hold you over, here's something:

Click here for some hot drawings.