When....

Your first-aid kit contains two pints
of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
You answer the door before people knock.
You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
You speed walk in your sleep.
You can't even remember your second cup.
You just completed another sweater
and you don't know how to crochet.
You sleep with your eyes open.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet
away without using the timer.
You lick your coffeepot clean.
You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this month.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated Coffee
is the Devil's Blend."
You can type sixty words per minute... with your toes..
You can jump-start your car without cables.
You don't need a hammer to pound nails.
You don't sweat, you perk.
You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
You walk twenty miles on your treadmill
before you realize it's not plugged in.
Your kids think you need to calm down.
You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
People get dizzy just watching you.
Your coffee mug is insured.
Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
You channel surf faster without a remote.
When someone says. "How are you?", you say,
"Good to the last drop."
You go to sleep just so you can wake up
and smell the coffee.
You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
You get drunk just so you can sober up.
Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
You can actually keep up with your kids.
You short out motion detectors.
Your three favorite things in life are...
coffee before, coffee during and coffee after
Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
You don't tan, you roast.
You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."