i sent panther an email. nothing to revealing, folks, not to worry. i just couldn't let the fact that she was selling a bunch of the gifts id given her. low, very low. so emailed why? i wonder if i'll get a reply and it's sad that it took liquid courage and/or the flu to get me to do it.

i'm trying not to think that she's out there right now...with someone. someone she cares about. the way she said she cared about me. ugh, i ran across old emails from her i'd saved. i could delete them. pathetic i know. i just got caught. i stopped doubting her, questioning how someone like her could want me. i accepted too much. was myself too freely.

wow, im feeling those belgians right now. concentrating hard on typing.

it's just hard ot believe that she could turn away from me. she never explained anything to me. just said she didn't miss me when we were apart. ow, that still hurts.