panther hasn't emailed back. i don't know what that means, but it's probably bad. i guess i can at least say i called her on it.

...
.....

still sick. and it's taking the last of my strength, so not only am i passing out but i'm emotional weak. i actual broke down to my mother over panther. i told her i still think of her. and weakness is not something my mother rewards. it makes her face go al tense. i think if she could deck panther she would. and i don't blame her. panther took huge advantage of her, both emotionally and financially. me. well, she looks at me as if im defective for not being angry. i tell her i am. or at least angry than it washes away.

can someone actually loss IQ pts after a breakup? if so, i am a that guy.

sigh

and i get the whole day tomorrow to wallow in it. in-between sneezing and coughing.

...
....

i know no one reads this, which isn't that different than my journals. but it is psychologically sound as a therapy. and boy do i need it. i think all my friends are well sick of me and my --issues. they think i should just move on, get someone new, or at least fuck something. if it were only that easy. this wasn't some random girl. i didn't just fall for her. this is a long road i'm on...

fuck, a long lonely road.