i find that i haven't yet gotten a reply from panther. i think at this point i am not gettng anything. she probably thought she could just get away with it. still wants to get away with it.

one note of pride. i have kept away from booze for four weeks now. yeah, i know it sounds scary but it's not. i have lots and lots of drunks in my families. so we are always on the lookout for signs. i saw them. it's not that i don't crave it. i do. i kinda wish i could get high right now too. but these all will turn around and bite me in the ass. and i don't do drunk alone well. at least that's what neighbors have told me in the past.

so big points to me. hurray!

i need to remember i'm in this for the long haul. so with that in mind i'm finally going to send my money for my europe trip this summer. i need to start looking at the big picture or whatever. this isn't going to go away or turn out well anytime soon. i need to face that. look past it. deal.